Holiday movies are right up there with decorating the tree, wrapping presents and singing carols, as seasonal traditions that just scream "Christmas!" From Alastair Sim's 1951 classic Scrooge to the beloved 1964 stop motion TV movie Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer to It's a Wonderful Life to Home Alone or even Die Hard, almost everyone has a favourite Christmas flick they watch to get into the holiday spirit.
But what about those Christmas flicks that are more apt to make you scream "Bah humbug!" (and we aren't talking about A Christmas Carol)? You know, the ones that stray a little too far out of the box and have Santa encountering aliens, or falling prey to cat allergies, or going on a murderous rampage on a Zamboni (yes, it's happened). Because they're out there, and because we'd hate for you to ruin the holiday by accidently stumbling across one of these absurd tales while channel surfing with the grandkids, we've compiled a helpful list of terrible Christmas movies that you won't believe are actually real.
Santa Claus Conquers The Martians (1964)
Genre: Technically comedy, but in reality … well, you'll see.
What's the story?: Basically, the Martians see Santa as someone who can help save the children of Mars, who, as Wikipedia explains, "are growing distracted due to the society's overly rigid structure; from infancy, all their education is fed into their brains through machines and they are not allowed individuality or freedom of thought." Huh, kind of sounds like a pack of Earth kids parading aimlessly into traffic like lemmings with their smartphones to catch Pokémon Go creatures.
Anyway, rather than overhaul the Maritan education system, they take the much more convoluted route of kidnapping Santa and taking him and two Earth kids to Mars to replicate the jolly one's work from Earth. What follows is more kidnappings and Martian madness that doesn't sound at all appealing. On top of it, Santa doesn't so much actually conquer the Martians as much as he gets along with them and does what they want until everything works out in the end. Oh, sorry – spoiler alert.
Fun fact though, this film is notable as the first movie ever to depict Mrs. Claus.
Who's in it?: Singer and actress Pia Zadora, eight-years-old at the time, plays one of the kidnapped children.
Naughty or Nice?: The film was universally panned but caught traction in later years as a cult "so bad it's good" flick. You can see the trailer here:
Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 (1987)
Genre: Horror, apparently.
What's the story?: The brother of the holiday-themed serial killer in the first film is now the deranged killer in this film. Nice family.
In this film, Ricky, brother of dead murderer Billy, goes on a killing spree after the death of his foster father and an encounter with his girlfriend's ex. He eventually kills a whack of people, including a mob boss that he stabs with an umbrella – a scene that earned some camp fame online – which you can see below. Thankfully the cops kill him before the viewers themselves die of boredom.
Who's in it?: No one who cares to admit being in it.
Naughty or Nice?: Very naughty. The film, however, has a sequel – Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out! I'm not making that up.
Copyright 2018 ZoomerMedia Limited