Here, why it happens and how to reconnect.
Do you and your partner increasingly seem to do things on your own? He goes fishing while you work in the garden. You travel with girlfriends to San Francisco and he goes on a golfing trip with his buddies.
While it's healthy – and necessary – to have a certain amount of autonomy in any relationship, increasingly engaging in separate activities can undermine your connection.
In professional circles it's what's known as 'insidious disconnection'.
"The word 'insidious' is important here," says Dr. Guy Grenier, a London, Ont.-based clinical psychologist and author whose practice includes couples counselling. "It's not like somebody is unhappy, or decides to strike off on their own, it just evolves that way. It isn't really anybody's fault."
And it usually has an innocent – and unavoidable – beginning, says Grenier.
People meet, develop a relationship, get married. They have kids and careers to attend to, and daily jobs tend to get divided up in order to get things done. One person takes Billy to hockey while the other takes Sarah to soccer. She does the shopping while he does the laundry. And spare time doesn't necessarily happen simultaneously for each person, so over time individual hobbies develop and friends become his or her friend, not 'our' friend.
"It's not about disconnecting, but they lead to disconnection."
Grenier emphasizes this is natural, but something to watch for. "None of these things are evil or anti-relationship. None of these are wrong, yet they're not about face time with each other or developing common interests."
Not surprisingly, it's Baby Boomers who tend to experience insidious disconnection most.
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