Where to start if you’re a gay, single woman looking for love. See what an expert advises.

Q. I’ve reading with interest your articles about online dating. I am a single gay woman who has not ‘dated’ for several years due to a nasty break up. I turned 70 years old in July and I know that I should/need to mature, but damn it I ain't gonna grow up! I would certainly like to know more about online dating for senior women and where to start.

 

Jay, Vancouver, B.C.

 

A. You might want to start by sitting down and putting into words in an clear and honest way what you’re looking for in a partner and then identify the things that are most important to you in life. And I don’t mean blue eyes, a certain height or age – that sort of thing. I mean whether your partner needs to like travelling, be a homebody, or have an interest in music or literature – or whatever it is you value in a partner and in your own life.

That’s a good starting point, according to Mary Gorham Malia, the founder of the website Gay Girl Dating Coach. A gay Baby Boomer herself, Mary knows of what she speaks. And she definitely encourages you to try the online route, while acknowledging the fact you’re 70 also makes it a little more challenging to find a match. Why?

“Because the older we get the harder it is to find somebody that’s compatible,” says Mary. “As we age we’re less willing to compromise. A lot of women know themselves in a very deep way at this stage in life and they are not usually willing to bend over backwards about certain things that they might have when they were 20 or 30. They are much clearer and more succinct about what they want.”  Entering the dating scene – gay or straight – in your 50s, 60s and 70s is also trickier in general. “Most people have assets and a lifestyle they’ve planned for and built up over time. They don’t want to put those at risk.”

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