Boomerangst: Turning Dilemmas Into Discoveries – Gay and Looking for Love Online
Where to start if you’re a gay, single woman looking for love. See what an expert advises.
Q. I’ve reading with interest your articles about online dating. I am a single gay woman who has not ‘dated’ for several years due to a nasty break up. I turned 70 years old in July and I know that I should/need to mature, but damn it I ain’t gonna grow up! I would certainly like to know more about online dating for senior women and where to start.
Jay, Vancouver, B.C.
A. You might want to start by sitting down and putting into words in an clear and honest way what you’re looking for in a partner and then identify the things that are most important to you in life. And I don’t mean blue eyes, a certain height or age – that sort of thing. I mean whether your partner needs to like travelling, be a homebody, or have an interest in music or literature – or whatever it is you value in a partner and in your own life.
That’s a good starting point, according to Mary Gorham Malia, the founder of the website Gay Girl Dating Coach. A gay Baby Boomer herself, Mary knows of what she speaks. And she definitely encourages you to try the online route, while acknowledging the fact you’re 70 also makes it a little more challenging to find a match. Why?
“Because the older we get the harder it is to find somebody that’s compatible,” says Mary. “As we age we’re less willing to compromise. A lot of women know themselves in a very deep way at this stage in life and they are not usually willing to bend over backwards about certain things that they might have when they were 20 or 30. They are much clearer and more succinct about what they want.” Entering the dating scene – gay or straight – in your 50s, 60s and 70s is also trickier in general. “Most people have assets and a lifestyle they’ve planned for and built up over time. They don’t want to put those at risk.”
Mary is a fan of two gay-friendly dating sites in particular: the Canadian-based ldate.com and match.com for lesbians. “The thing about looking online is that you already know the women on there are willing to try a relationship,” she says. “You don’t have to be guessing or wondering.” She does offer a few cautionary words though. Never initially give out your real phone number or your address and never talk about your financial situation or your assets. There are women out there in the gay world looking for a sugar mama, just like there are in the straight world, says Mary, so be cautious.
As for not wanting to ‘grow up’, Mary thinks she knows what you’re saying and she offered these encouraging words. “If you mean you still want to get out there and have fun and feel alive and still want to have sex…of course you can! Why wouldn’t you want to have those things in your life? I expect to have them in my life when I’m 70.”
Send Diane a brief description of your dilemma, along with your first name and where you live, to [email protected]
A professional journalist for more than 25 years, Diane Sewell has written for some of the top newspapers and magazines in Canada and is a baby boomer herself. Her new blog “Boomerangst: Turning Dilemmas into Discoveries” is interactive with readers and focuses on life issues – like aging, dating, second marriages, sex, death, family and fashion. Diane will use her expertise to find the right expert to help solve your predicament, unearthing kernels of truth and quickly getting to the heart of the issue.