5 Tips For Finding Love Online

Diane Sewell | May 24th, 2015

 Baby Boomers are the fastest-growing market in the online dating scene. In fact, over a quarter of current Match.com members are 50 and older.

“More and more people in this age group are finding themselves single again,” says Julie Spira, the California-based online dating expert and best-selling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. “Whether it’s through the death of a spouse, divorce, or because the kids went off to school and with an empty nest the parents realize they’re not in love anymore, it’s happening all the time.”

So if you find yourself single and open to looking for love again, be brave, advises Julie, but be prepared to leave the past behind. “Be sure you’re ready for a new relationship – not a time out on your own. You have to want to develop memories that are unique to the two of you and you do that by not living in the past.”

Here are Julie’s top five tips if you think you’re ready.

1) Look in the mirror and realize who you are today: Face it. You’re not the same person you were when you were dating 25 years ago, so don’t try and pretend you are. Whether you’ve gained weight, gone bald, turned grey or lost that big, important job, you have to be comfortable in your own skin, says Julie, or it won’t work. “It’s very important to be authentic and genuine – and to never, ever lie about your age, income, weight – or anything else. If you lie and people find out, they’ll wonder what else you’re lying about.” Always be truthful in your profile and know the power of brevity. Keep it short (100 to 150 words max) so there’s something left to discover about you.

2) Don’t talk about your ex: Even if a date asks, they really don’t want to know, says Julie, “so just save that for another time. Change the subject or ask them a question about themselves, their last vacation or something.” Only when you’re in a more serious, comfortable relationship do you want to go there, says Julie. And it should only be to explain what you learned about yourself from your past relationship, not to trash your ex.

3) Discuss the importance of your family: Most people age 50 and up have kids, maybe even grandkids, and letting your date know you’re proud of them and that they’re important to you is good, as long as you make it clear you still have room for a relationship. And resist posting a ton of family photos on your profile. Instead, post pictures of yourself doing things that interest you, whether it’s golfing, skiing, gardening – whatever.

4) Be organized: It can be overwhelming (although a great ego boost) when you post your profile and suddenly 50 people write to you in the first few days. “It’s exciting, but at the end of the day it’s easy to become overwhelmed. How are you going to know which ones you want to go out with?” Julie points out. A spreadsheet, that’s how. Julie advises all her clients to create one so they can keep track of who’s who, their user names, where they live, whether their spouse is dead or they’re divorced, have pets, hobbies etc. “You wouldn’t think twice about doing that if you were looking for a job,” she says, “and here you are looking for somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with. Make it, but don’t show it.”

5) Respond in a timely fashion: Don’t play hard to get and wait three days to reply. “That is so out of fashion,” insists Julie. “If you don’t write back right away someone else will and they’ll be the one to get the date and you’ll be the disappointed one. Don’t play the dating waiting game.”