‘Tis Two Seasons before Christmas..but Retailers are Ready

Where am I? Australia? New Zealand? South Africa?

Suddenly, I’m having a hemispherical identity crisis.

I just opened an email from Crate and Barrel and it said, “Just Like That, the Holidays Are Here.”

Huh? Where?

Not so long ago I was cavorting in my swimsuit (okay, I was wearing a cover-up) and today Santa Claus is coming to town? Must be a town down under where the holiday season coincides with summer. Couldn’t Crate and Barrel have the decency to wait until the body is cold before climbing on top of the corpse to top the Christmas tree with tinsel?

I wondered if this was just a Crate and Barrel thing so with great trepidation I wandered — wearing sandals and a sleeveless top because it was a hot, sunny day — over to my neighbourhood Dollar Store.

The first thing I saw was a giant pumpkin patch and a plethora of autumnal accoutrements, Halloween decorations and scary stuff made in China (and I don’t mean the aircraft carriers and armed drones they’ve been churning out along with the fake dead fingers). I’m okay with all that stuff because October is soon upon us and the kids enjoy prolonging the anticipation of their costume and candy holiday.

But the real horror merchandise was in the next aisle .

Large cardboard boxes were disgorging red and green Christmas kitsch, bags of faux snow were piling into drifts and silver foil branches dangled gilded ornaments.

Summer in Canada, like life itself, is short enough. Winter, like death, lasts an eternity.

Could we not just wait a couple of months?