Zoomer of the Decade

By Don Irvine

Why is Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi smiling? Consider:

• Berlusconi, 74, is the third richest man in Italy, its most powerful media baron, and the longest serving prime minister in the country’s modern history
• While Prime Minister he has kept effective control of 90% of his media empire, and seventeen times has had laws modified to his direct personal advantage—most notably compressing statutes of limitations to render himself un-prosecutable
• He changed his country’s election law in order to pack his party’s parliamentary seats with babes
• He has been named ‘Il Cavalieri’ by his colleagues for passing unruffled through his many scandals, including but not limited to:
• In 2009, prostitute Patrizia D’Addario went public with audio recordings and descriptions of Berlusconi orgies, inspiring his wife to (finally) sue for divorce
• He carried on a dalliance with 17 year-old Noemi Letizia, culminating in a week at his Sardinian villa around New Year’s 2009, with promises that Berlusconi “would take care of her career as showgirl or politician”
• 17 year-old prostitute Karima Keyek—nicknamed ‘Ruby the Heartbreaker’—told Milanese prosecutors in 2010 that Il Cavalieri had given her over $1,300 in cash and jewelry and invited her to two ‘bunga bunga’ sex parties
• When Ruby the Heartbreaker was subsequently arrested for theft, two phone calls from Il Cavalieri got her released into the custody of Berlusconi’s personal dental hygienist Nicole Minetti.
• He recently spent 70,000 euros grafting a penis onto a publicly-owned statue of the god Mars in his office
• There’s nobody out there to take him down: even the worst estimate of his political popularity puts him far ahead of his nearest political rival

Words to live by:
“I’m a playful person. I love life. I love women. Nobody can make me, at my age, change my lifestyle, of which I am absolutely proud.”