Joke of the day for May 30

Words are tools of communication. Unfortunately, words often have different meanings for different people. Here are some examples…..

It is in process – So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.

We will look into it – By the time the wheel makes a full turn we assume you will have forgotten it, too.

A program – Any assignment that can’t be completed by one telephone call.

Expedite – To confound confusion with commotion.

Channels – The trail left by interoffice memos.

Coordinator – The guy who has a desk between two expediters.

Consultant (or Expert) – Any ordinary guy more than 50 miles from home.

To activate – To make copies and add more names to the memo.

To implement a program – Hire more people and expand the office.

Under consideration – Never heard of it.

Under active consideration – We’re looking in the files for it.

In the earliest stage of finalization – Haven’t started it yet.

A meeting – A mass mulling by master minds.

A conference – A place where conversation is substituted by the dreariness of labor and the loneliness of thought.

To negotiate – To seek a meeting of the minds without knocking together of heads.

Re-orientation – Getting used to work again.

Reliable source – The guy you just met.

Informed source – The guy who told the guy you just met.

Unimpeachable source – The guy who started the rumor originally.

A clarification – To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.

We are making a survey – We need more time to think of an answer.

Note and Initial – Let’s spread the responsibility for this.

Let’s get together on this – I’m assuming you are as confused as I am.

See me, or Let’s discuss – Come down to my office. I’m lonesome.

Give us the benefit of your present thinking – We’ll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn’t interfere with what we’ve already decided to do.

We will advise you in due course – If we figure it out, we’ll let you know.

To give someone the picture – A long confused and inaccurate statement to a newcomer.