Joke of the day for December 9
•When you get old, your secrets are safe with your friends. They’ll never share them because they can’t remember them.
•At my age, I don’t want to eat health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
•You can’t be young forever, but immaturity can last a life time.
•I’m done with wild oats. Now I’m into prunes and All Bran.
•Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
•You know you’re getting old when you look in the mirror to shave and realize that the face you’re looking at is your father’s.
•I knew the romance was gone when I drank champagne out of the old girl’s slipper and choked on a Dr. Scholl’s insert.
•The paper sent a reporter to interview me on my 90th birthday. “What’s the secret to longevity?” he asked. “Simple,” I said. “Keep breathing.”
•Isn’t it nice that wrinkles don’t hurt?
•I knew I was getting bald because it was taking longer and longer to wash my face.
•I started out with nothing … I still have most of it.
•I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
•Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded.
•It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
•Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
•It’s not the pace of life that concerns me, it’s the sudden stop at the end.
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