Joke of the day for January 21

* How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?

* If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?

* If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?

* If you have a cold hot pocket, is it just a pocket?

* If humans evolved from monkeys and/or apes, why are they still here?

* Why is the show called unsolved mysteries? If they were solved they wouldn’t be mysteries.

* Do penguins have knees?

* Why is it said that an alarm clock is going off when really its coming on?

* How come people tell you not to stand in front of an emergency exit when if there was an
emergency surely you would run through it?

* Why did Sally sell seashells on the seashore when you can just pick them up anyway?

* Why are both of Spongebob’s parents round like sea sponges while he is square like a kitchen sponge?

* Does a two-humped camel store more water than a one-humped camel?

* If you pamper a cow, do you get spoiled milk?

* Why is it that if someone yells “duck” they are helping you, but if they yell “chicken” they are insulting you?

* If they have angel food cake on earth, do they have people food cake in heaven?

* Can you cry underwater?

* You know the signs on restaurant doors — No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service? What if someone goes in with no pants? Would the restaurant still have to serve them?

* Why doesn’t flavoured gum turn your mouth that colour?

* If a doctor suddenly died while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?

* Why do we sing “Rock a bye baby” to lull our little ones to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle to the ground?

* Why do we say we’re head over heels when we’re happy? Isn’t that the way we normally are?

* If the Wicked Witch of the West melts in water… how did she ever bathe?

* If bald people work as chefs in a restaurant, do they have to wear hairnets?

* Why do sleeping pills have warning labels that state :’Caution: May Cause Drowsiness?

* Do nudists have pin-ups of people with clothes on?

* How can Darth Vader breathe and talk at the same time?

* When the French swear do they say pardon my English?

* How did Walt Disney figure out how to make people pay to stand in lines all day?

* Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

* Why is it that no matter what colour bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

* Why do they call someone “late” if they died early?

* Why are red buttons always the most important?

* How is chess considered a sport?

* Why is it when you’re sleeping it’s called drool but when your awake it’s called spit?

* If a teacher were to teach a younger grade than they were teaching before, would they be “degraded”?

* Why does every Abraham Lincoln impersonator sound the same, even though there are no known audio recordings of the man?

* How come people tell you to stay a kid for as long as you can? The moment you do anything childish or immature they tell you to grow up.

* Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don’t lay eggs.

* If marbles are not made of marble, why are they called marbles?

* If you dig a hole through the centre of the earth, come out on the other side, and then let go, would you be falling down or floating up?

* Could you be a closet claustrophobic?

* If ketchup is good on french fries, how come it isn’t good on mashed potatoes?

* Where do all the daylight savings hours go?

* Why doesn’t the hair on your arms grow as fast as the hair on your head?

* What happens if a black cat walks under a ladder and breaks a mirror?

* Why when people ask you “what three things would you bring with you on a desert island?” no one ever replies, “A BOAT”

* Why are elderly people often called “old people” but children are never called “new people”?

* Why doesn’t broccoli come in a can?

* Can you slam a revolving door?

* What would happen if you found a four-leaf-clover under a ladder?

* Can a cross-eyed teacher control his pupils?

* What happens if you get a paper cut from a Get Well card?

* Can you read a picture book?

* Why does it say “shake well” on ketchup bottles, but not ketchup packets?

* Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

* Is eating a mermaid considered cannibalism?

* If mirrors need light to work, what happens if you put night vision goggles on in the dark and look at a mirror?

* What shape is the sky?

* Why is it written “May contain traces of peanuts or other kind of nuts” on peanut butter jars. Are people stupid enough not to realize it themselves?

* If you only have one eye… are you blinking or winking?

* What is a chickpea if it is neither a chick nor a pea?

Source: Clean Jokes and Inspiration

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