Today’s Joke: July 4

Zoomer | July 4th, 2013

The Perks of Being Over 40

Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
No one expects you to run into a burning building.
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
Things you buy now won’t wear out.
You can eat dinner at 4 PM.
You can live without sex but not without glasses.
You enjoy hearing arguments about pension plans.
You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You sing along with elevator music.
Your eyes won’t get much worse.
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
Your joints are a more accurate meteorologist than the national weather service.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.