Bring more romance into your relationship

Research shows that 45+ year olds are having less sex and yet there are tons of benefits of having a healthy sex life, so what is one to do?

Here are the top 7 tips to having more fun in (or out) of the bedroom:

Reframe sex. Often my clients tell me they are not as sexually active as they might like to be because they are just too stressed out. Well here is the deal. Sex is not something to do only if you are feeling calm and relaxed. Research shows sex reduces stress. So instead of “not tonight honey, I’m too stressed out” think “yes please, tonight, honey. I’m so stressed out.”

Prioritize sex. Make a healthy sex life a priority for you. Sure, there is a lot to do during the day. And if we wait until “we have time and are in the mood,” it may never happen. Consider all the benefits of sex (boosts your emotional intimacy with your spouse, reduces stress, improves physical health, improves self-esteem, reduces pain…) Any of those sound good to you?

Schedule it. Now figure out how to fit it into your schedule. No, you don’t need to actually have a strict appointment time if that sounds too formal for you. But at least initially as you are focusing on improving your sex life, it may not be a bad idea to communicate with you partner when during the day you two might like to romp.

Exercise. Research shows people who exercise have a more active sex life than those who do not. Sure, sex can be a source of exercise. Plus, this is yet another reason to go for a walk or hit the gym.

Try something new. Especially if you and your spouse have been together for a while, it is easy to get into the same old routine, which can diminish some of the excitement of physical intimacy. So mix it up. Try a new position, time of day, room.

Communicate. Communication is key to a healthy sex life. Talk with your spouse about your desire to amp things up. Share with each other your fantasies. Communicate with each other what feels good to you. If you don’t enjoy sex, open communication may be a crucial reason.

Get in the mood. Address the environment with soft lighting, sexy music, and phones turned off. Wear something that you feel sexy in. Start by sharing a warm shower or romantic dinner. There is no right or wrong- just figure out what works best for you two.

Follow these 7 simple steps to have a healthier sex life and be an even happier you!

Elizabeth LombardoElizabeth Lombardo, PhD, is a psychologist, physical therapist and author of the bestselling book A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness. She has been quoted by some of today’s top media outlets including CNN, MSNBC, NPR, Woman’s Day, Glamour, Self, Woman’s World, Health and Real Simple. Visit for more information.

Photo © Jacob Wackerhausen