Today’s Joke: April 23

Short Stories from the Newspapers

From The Derby Abbey Community News: ‘We apologize for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that ‘Mr Fred Nicolme is a Defective in the Police Force’. This was a typographical error. We meant of course that Mr Nicolme is a Detective in the Police Farce.Funny Tabloid Headlines

No benefits for ill man
Agency says terminal illness not severe enough.

Safety film – Report: A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to the Health and Safety Council News, the film’s depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film. Funny Tabloid Headlines

Daily Telegraph: In a piece headed ‘Brussels Pays £200,000 Pounds to Save Prostitutes: the money will not be going directly into the prostitutes’ pocket, but will be used to encourage them to lead a better life. We will be training them for new positions in hotels.’

The Times: A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coastguard spokesman commented, ‘This sort of thing is all too common.’

Source: Will and Guy’s Jokes