Zoomer guru Colette Baron-Reid invites you bring your deepest heartfelt and curious questions to Ask Colette.
BY: COLETTE BARON-REID
Welcome to my interactive conversation with YOU! Isn’t that exciting? This isn’t just going to be your typical article or weekly blog on all things spiritual, holistic and healthy for you to read. This is going to be a cozy place to chat with me about what’s going on with you! Perhaps you’re looking for intuitive guidance about love, finding a new purpose, wondering how to handle stress, how to better connect with your own sense of spirituality or maybe you just want to be a tad naughty and chat about sex?
That’s right – every two weeks I am going to choose two questions that are on the theme of the week, what I notice in the Zeitgeist, based on what you send me.
For the past 23 years (17 of which I lived happily in Toronto), I’ve given my guidance as an intuitive counsellor, coach and life strategist to more than 33,000 people, travelled across the globe lecturing, writing books, which you can find now in 25 languages (of which I am proud) and have developed a client base spanning 29 countries. What I have learned along the way is that we are all basically the same, we want the same things, we want to be happy, healthy and prosperous. We want to love and be loved, to reduce suffering and to feel secure regardless of our culture or faith. And, by the time we pass the age of 40 and move into our 50s, we face many of the same questions as we’re drawn to reflect on life and what we come to recognize as important. We begin to get serious about our well-being – body, mind and spirit – and start to uncover the things we need to change in order to be happy and feel that we matter and that our life has meaning. We start to see the areas in our lives that need repairing.
I am coming up to the one-year anniversary of my separation and I am filled with anxiety this season because we are going to have an annual family dinner soon and I don’t know how to handle it. It will be the first time our entire family will be in the same place at the same time since he left me. I have been happy this year and for the first time in ages I like myself and I don’t want to revisit old wounds. He left me for his secretary – yes, it’s cliché and, yes, she is younger (42 to my 54) and, yes, he is insisting on bringing her. My kids are grown – in their 20s – and I have always put my family first. I feel I need to keep everyone together for their sake but, on the other hand, to be honest I don’t want to have Christmas with him! I don’t feel ready and I can’t imagine how I will handle this! I think about this every waking moment. I can’t stop eating sweets. I’m gaining weight and I am so confused. If I say no, I think I will be abandoning my family. What do I do?
Anxious in Edmonton
I just want to give you a BIG HUG. OUCH. You have been through a lot and, yes, you are one ball of anxiety! My hands were sweating just reading this! Now let’s explore your situation. Why are you allowing yourself to be last on the list again? You are obviously not ready to engage with your husband and his new woman, and you are clearly setting yourself up for an unhappy holiday season. You are also stuck in the future. The stress rehearsal you’re embarking on is not doing you any good! It’s time to commit to self-care first and foremost, no matter how selfish you think it will be.
Consider a compromise. Let the kids spend half the day with him and the other half with you. Your kids are not little, and you will be abandoning your self if you put yourself in this awkward and unnecessary position.
Your stress levels are what’s setting up the craving for sweets, and the weight gain is likely not just from the calories but also from the need for protection. The solution is to find ways to reduce stress. Say no to the dinner and the drama and yes to a compromise, and trust that by taking care of you, you will be a better parent to your kids and you will have a happy holiday season!