ASK COLETTE: How to Reconnect to Joy After Divorce

Looking for intuitive guidance about love, finding a new purpose, managing stress or connecting with your own sense of spirituality — or maybe you just want to be a tad naughty and chat about sex? Zoomer guru Colette Baron-Reid invites you bring your deepest heartfelt questions to Ask Colette.

 

I recently received a message from a very sweet woman asking about how to reconnect with her joy.  With her permission I am posting her question and my answer in the hopes it will help others.

Dear Colette,

Dear J.L.,

I am sending you a loving hug right now.  Transition and loss are a process and although I wouldn’t recommend rushing through the recovery, it sounds as though you have been working through your emotions.

First of all, don’t feel as though you are a downer to your friends if you have been able to connect and share on a level that not only helps you but allows those who love you to help you.  They probably appreciate being of service and feeling like they are helping in any way.  However, if you hear yourself retelling your story no matter what subject matter is being discussed, it’s time to look outside of yourself and engage on a more positive level.

As for your children, the best example you can show them is a loving, strong, imperfect and happy example of life.  Reconnecting to your joy will benefit all of you.  They will see there is life after a break up and that life is meant to be enjoyed, not in spite of but in combination with its challenges and lessons.

There’s a whole field of psychology called positive psychology that’s focused on helping people to identify what makes them feel happy and do whatever it is that leads them to happiness. For example, answer this question: What makes you feel energized and happy?

Indulge in a funny or romantic movie; watch videos of your favorite pop songs from your youth on social media; hang out on the porch with some old friends, laughing about the absurdities of life.

Play a game that makes you feel silly, like a kid. Spend some time around children who encourage you to lighten up and be goofy.

Be spontaneous and adventurous. If you always wanted to take a salsa dancing class, call a friend and ask him to join you, then laugh together if you find yourselves completely inept compared to the so-called beginners surrounding you.