ASK COLETTE: Being Clear About Trust and Accountability
Here, Zoomer guru Colette Baron-Reid on faith, honesty and the importance of trusting your intuition.
I have two dilemmas that I hope you can help me with. First, I have been in a relationship for over a year now – we are engaged and we have our share of strife. I love him and want to be with him, but my instinct is telling me there is something wrong. I have this nagging feeling that he has cheated on me, or is willing to, or about to, but I can’t tell which. I want to move to another city with him within the next year but I can’t tell if he is really taking me seriously.
Second dilemma: I was faithful to a psychic for over 15 years and I normally don’t fall prey to bad advice. But this psychic, who is no longer in business, told me that I should leave my then fiancé because it wasn’t going to work out. We have a child together who is now fully grown. I left my fiancé, and there is not a day that goes by that I don’t get angry about what she said. It ruined me financially, emotionally and mentally, and I’ve never fully recovered.
Dear Double Dose,
The fact that your previous fiancé is happily married now indicates that this is the path he has chosen, and it won’t help you at all by going over the past. You had a child together, which is the gift of your union. We all have regrets in our life, but accepting what IS is the first path to freedom.
What I tell all of my clients is it’s really imperative that you don’t give your power over to anyone’s advice (mine or another intuitive) and that you follow your own heart. Perhaps the anger you feel is not just at that person but at yourself for having given your power away to someone. The truth is you have to surrender to what has happened – and take stock in the truth of the past. It is done.
The most important thing right now is to be responsible for your choices. When it comes to your feelings or intuition about your current fiancé, if you feel like he is cheating on you, then confront him. Come right out and ask him. Generally speaking, if a guy doesn’t want to be faithful and he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, then he’ll tell you. Ask for honesty. We always get what we ask for.
I also get the sense that both of your dilemmas are tied to two things: trust and the desire to have someone else tell you what you should do. If you don’t feel safe or you don’t feel sure that this person is the one for you, give yourself some time; only time will tell. You need to trust yourself. The most important thing is you must trust yourself.