ASK COLETTE: “My Husband Left Me, My Plastic Surgeon Loves Me”
How much plastic surgery is too much?
While I was married to my ex-husband, I was constantly put down for my looks. He would criticize my body, my face and my overall lack of sex appeal. What I don’t understand is he left me for an older woman who is not at all attractive. It makes me crazy when I see this woman in the grocery store. I just don’t get it.
Over the last three years I decided I would do things for myself I never thought I would. I’ve had a total of seven plastic surgeries; three facial changes, two breast implants, liposuction for my thighs and arms, and a tummy tuck. I think I look so much younger and better, but I want to do more. My friends are telling me to stop. They think I’m addicted to the procedures. I don’t think I am, I just want to look my best and have more self-confidence. What’s the harm in doing more, right? What do you think? – Looking Better Every Time
Dear Looking Better Every Time,
Wow, seven surgeries! I don’t even like going to the dentist! I don’t know how you made it through all of that recovery time – you are a more patient woman than I. OUCH. Ok Now on to the question at hand.
For complete transparency, I’ve considered and have no objection to touching up (and lifting things up) to stave off the aging process. Let’s face it, we feel great when we think we look great.
There are plenty of women who say plastic surgery has improved the way they see themselves, but just as it relates to their physical beauty. I’m sure you’ve read all the articles. In some cases it helped them feel better about themselves but in many others the feeling wears off unless there is real authentic sense of self worth.
So what about the rest of their self-esteem? Does surgery change how intelligent, loving, thoughtful and worthy they are? Not a chance! Does it change their overall happiness scale? I bet not for long.
Oh honey, there is so much more to self-love than physical appearance. I’m sure you know this but it’s worth seeing it in print, from someone else.
Let’s consider the real motivation for your frequent-flyer points at the plastic surgeon’s office. Your husband leaves you, and for someone else. With that reality comes the feelings of rejection and worthlessness. That is expected, but it’s a feeling, not the truth. Just because your husband made that choice, does not mean you are worthless. It doesn’t mean there is truth to why he rejected you.
I’m so sorry you’ve spent years hearing hurtful messages about yourself, so I understand that making a shift will take time. Your friends, your family, and your co-workers all see good things in you—they see your truth. Do you see those good attributes in yourself? Do you see all of the positive things you bring to those relationships? If I asked your friends to list five things they love about you, what might they say? Now I challenge you to list ten things about yourself that make you a wonderful person to be around.
Do you see what I’m getting at? Your vision of yourself should not be seen through the eyes of your ex-husband, or compared to other women. If you are struggling with trying not to compare yourself, I suggest you make the comparison to who you were (emotionally, spiritually, mentally) at a younger age. How have you grown? How do you handle situations differently? How do you foster relationships better now?
It will be much easier to feel a sense of satisfaction and happiness when you see your own progress…compared to an earlier version of yourself, and not someone else.
By now you’ve already guessed…my answer to your question about more surgeries is this…it’s not the answer to happiness. You will not land at that magical destination you hope the surgeries will provide you with. I side with your friends and say this does sound excessive.
Try self-love – it will be more fun, last longer, and be way cheaper!
May you see through the eyes of blessings,
If you have a question you would like to ask Colette, write to her at [email protected]. All published questions and answers will be anonymous – we honor and protect your privacy. (Please, Colette respectfully asks that you do not request a reading as the anticipated response to your question.)