ASK COLETTE: “She Loves Him, He Hates Her Pets”

What if your new love doesn’t love your pets – and even asks you to get rid of them? Here, Boomer Intuitive Coach Colette Baron-Reid weighs in.

 

Dear Colette,

I will start by saying I am not a crazy cat lady.  I am blessed with a large home and when fate puts a needy cat in my path, I do what I can to help.  I used to have six cats and have since found loving homes for two of them.  Of the remaining four cats, two are disabled – a 10-year-old with a lame leg but great quality of life and an 8-year-old blind love-bug.  The other two are younger and healthy and all four love playing together.

A few months ago I met “Greg” online and we hit it off right away. The only issue is my cats. He doesn’t understand my love for my pets and has gone as far as to say he hates cats, all cats. He told me if I want to be with him, I have to give up the cats, even suggesting that I put the older, disabled two to sleep.

I am torn.  I have not dated in nine long years and Greg is the first really nice man who has made me want to be in love again.  How do I make this work?  I don’t think I can give up my cats. -Relationship Isn’t PURRfect.

 

Dear Relationship Isn’t PURRfect,

Wow, don’t make any sudden moves!

Not all people are cat-lovers, but what does it say about someone who “hates” an animal?  First of all, have you gotten to the root of the reason?

Is it the cat hair in the bed? That’s fixable. Is it that you talk to the cats and give them attention while he is talking to you? Simple remedy. Is it that the house smells like used cat litter?  Easy peasy. Does he need his own cat-free space in the house? Done.

So I think I’ve given Greg the benefit of the doubt, but let’s get real now.

Don’t you find it interesting (more like disturbing) that he’s insisting you give up something important to you for the sake of him? If he felt you spent too much time with your friends would he suggest you put your Girls Night Out gang out to pasture also?  I know, sounds absurd, right?  But people who give ultimatums have self-absorbed, controlling motives.

Just because he’s the first man who made you want to be in love again, doesn’t mean he’s the only man – or the last!  The great news is he has opened you up to love again – so it’s possible.  Now you just need to remain open to someone who will not challenge your values.  How can a strong, loving relationship be built on the type of resentment that comes from putting your beloved animals to sleep?

My last questions are solely about you.  What attracted you to Greg?  (Again it’s not about Greg, it’s about you.) Was he filling a need to be validated? If you knew early on that he didn’t like cats, why did you keep seeing him?  Were you convinced you could change him?  Were you afraid to be alone again?  Did you think he was your one and only shot at love?  Consider your own self-worth.

Make a list of your ideal partner in life and define your deal-breakers.  Make sure that list addresses your values and principles.  This list is not about what Greg does and does not bring to the relationship, this is a list that will bring you to your next mutually-respectful and loving relationship.  Don’t you deserve that?

Plain and simple – dump him, keep the cats!

Love always and forever,
Colette Baron-Reid

What would you do in this situation? Let us know in the comments!

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