When Valentine’s Day Is Less About Roses and Truffles – And More About Loneliness & Loss
Without a partner on whom to bestow bouquets and sweets, this Valentine’s Day could be less about roses and truffles and more about your own loneliness and loss. Here, five ways to get through the day with more grace than grief.
Forget the aphrodisiacs.
Bring on the antidepressants.
About one out of three Zoomers are single — whether by choice, circumstance or loss of a partner due to divorce, death or dementia.
And without a partner on whom to bestow bouquets and heart-shaped carbohydrates, this weekend could be less about roses and truffles — which it may appear to be for everyone else on the planet— and more about your own loneliness and loss.
But there are ways to get through the day with more grace than grief.
Even for those recently widowed, Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be only a reminder of what’s missing.
“The first Valentine’s Day or any special day after your spouse/partner has died can seem impossible to bear,” acknowledges Aruna Ogale, executive director of Bereaved Families of Ontario-Toronto. “You may be still mourning and the thoughts of past celebrations together can cut deep, but those same memories can help you cope with the day.”
It can be an occasion to recall and celebrate the love there was. And to realize that, even though the partner is not here, the love lives on.
Other singles can also find meaning in Valentine’s Day. There’s no law that says it has to be reserved for romantic or erotic love. It’s a good opportunity to treat kids you love and people you like.
Here’s advice on how to get through Valentine’s Day from Bereaved Families of Ontario-Toronto:
1.Write your beloved a letter
Instead of trying to forget about the times you shared, embrace them. Write a letter and let him know how much you miss him, write about all those past Valentine’s Day you spent together. Slip the letter along with a couple of photos in a drawer or other safe place to read another time. Just writing out your feelings can help you cope.
2. Keep his traditions
If your spouse/partner always bought you a chocolate or flowers, buy some for yourself in his memory and enjoy them as you think of the happy memories that you and your spouse/partner shared.
3. Avoid certain places
Many couples will go out to dinner so consider avoiding restaurants or other places where couples may be going to celebrate the day.