Romance Hit the Rocks? There’s an App for That
The weather outside is frightful, but the fire inside may not be so delightful. In fact, for many couples, the heat their relationship held in the early years can, over time, begin to feel like the cold comfort of dwindling embers. And when it comes to those long, dreary winter months, the tension between two increasingly unsatisfied partners can become unbearable.
Recent statistics suggest that the first month of the year is the prime season for committed folk to satisfy their sexual appetites elsewhere. For those looking to ensure their partner doesn’t stray, the old chocolate and roses routine can wear thin. And sexy lingerie just doesn’t cut it if the passion has already fizzled. So, what do you do when all else fails? The same thing we all do when we have a problem we can’t seem to nip in the bud: find an app for it.
Sure, some may tell you that technology has no place when it comes to romance. Azadeh Aalai, writing for Psychology Today, noted a 2009 study that found, “70 per cent of women would rather receive a poem or a love letter than some form of digital communication from a significant other, with the majority of males surveyed (53 per cent) concurring.”
One of the first apps we found was Say I Love You – In Different Languages, which sounds sweet unless your partner doesn’t speak any of the languages, in which case you’ll just have to repeat it in English anyway. More disconcerting is the disclaimer warning that the app may contain, “Infrequent/Mild Profanity … Infrequent/Mild Realistic Violence.” In what language does “I Love You” contain curse words and body slams?
An app that seemed promising at first was Send eFlowers. Sounds novel – an app that connects you to the nearest florist so you can place an order for your loved one. This app, however, simply delivers virtual flowers to your lover’s phone or email. As well, the grammatically incorrect tag line: “Because flowers DOES matter to her” doesn’t exactly inspire confidence. This app promises, “You’ll never be seen in the same way again!” That’s probably because your partner won’t be turning back to look at you as he or she walks out the door for good.
The website FanAppic.com has a whole list of romantic apps you can download, including iWrite: Love Poems. They boast that the app teaches you how to write poetry, which is sweet. Sort of like Shakespeare with a smartphone. The app, however, loses it’s charm when the website reveals, “There’s helpful tips, pre-saved love poems and a generator to create poetry on-the-fly, with little input from yourself.” How romantic. If you’re curious what a smartphone-generated poem may look like, here’s one from the app’s download page:
Inviting, tasting, haunting
Just one more chance