FELLAS: 7 REASONS YOU GET LOVED (AND LAID) MORE AS YOU AGE
Good things come to those who wait. And if you’re a (North American) gent, there are some really, really good things afoot. As anyone who has lived in a retirement home or joined a boomer-targeted online dating site knows, the balance between single genders skews in favour of males as we age. As the below Wikipedia Human Sex Ratio chart shows, we start off pretty even at birth like most species — one to one. But the balance starts to tip around 65.
As for the reasons for the gender gap, it’s almost anybody’s guess; could be environment, warfare and a host of silly shit us males are wont to do — largely for female attention. So below are our guesses, based on that reliable source for all half-truths and unclarity: the Internet.
1. Divorced men apparently re-marry quicker than women. Some experts theorize it’s because men don’t have the support network that women have (apparently beer doesn’t count). As a result, single men are 2x more likely to commit suicide than their married brethren. ‘Tis better to tie the knot than the noose.
2. The sex is better when accidental pregnancy is a non-issue. There’s less fumbling, paranoia and potential to be caught in questionable positions by nosey parents, now that you’re the nosey parent. There’s just one..er..small problem: STDs are spreading like wildfire among the senior set, underscoring the fact one is never too old to get a burning sensation in one’s loins.
3. The competition literally dies off. While the lifespan gap between men and women is narrowing, it’s still a four year difference. As this chart shows, by the time gents hit 65 and up, the ratio of Canadian men to women is 0.78. The same pattern is mirrored in most affluent western countries. So if you’re a male, chances are the last years of your life will be the most fun years.
4. According to some reports, women are becoming more bi as they age. Apparently 60 percent of women are attracted to other women versus us hairy, gaseous, loudly snoring types. Go figure. The upside for men: newly liberalized women whose big tent still includes gents lucky enough to be a “third wheel.”
5. Open-minded men have a bigger pool to choose from. From May-December dollybirds to vibrant “age appropriate” ladies to timeless seventysomethings, it’s all good. And with divorce and kids as non-issues for many a grown man, the pool of availability is practically limitless.
6. After divorce or two, you finally find the right partner. You know what to look for and have the scars to prove it, reducing the likelihood of making the same mistakes twice. As the old saying goes, “choose your love, love your choice.”
7. And then there’s (blue) magic.