Can Kabbalah bring you love?

There’s nothing like the dawn of a new year to prompt a flurry of empty promises to finally get fit / eat healthy / quit smoking / curb spending/ all of the above.

And if you’re single and seeking, those January resolutions often veer towards shedding bad dating habits and finally (finally ) meeting the proverbial soul mate. Yup, if there’s one thing that binds us all together, it’s the ability to willingly deceive ourselves year after year.

But what if 2009 really was different? What if the change we sought happened not on a superficial level but deep within us, touching every aspect of our selves up to and including how we approach relationships?

The short answer is: it’d be great. And increasingly, many outwardly sane people are piping up to claim that Kabbalah, the 4,000-year-old “living wisdom” intended for everyone, regardless of religion or ethnicity, that also happens to recognize the existence of soul mates (!) while advocating marriage (!!) is the magic bullet.

The testimonials of celebrities such as Madonna and Demi Moore have immeasurably raised Kabbalah’s profile. Indeed, Kabbalah’s claim to superstar endorsement stretches back to ancient Greece. Moreover, its secular basis makes it accessible to both the faithful and the faithless.

In the spirit of self-improvement (and, like, total curiosity) we sought Kabbalah 101 Dating Tips from affable Boston-based senior Kabbalah teacher Abe Hardoon.

In a wide-ranging interview, he reveals, among other things, why women are (or should be) the managers in relationships, why those seeking wives are doing themselves a disservice by accumulating girlfriends, and why your grandma’s advice was probably right on the money.

Lavalife : If you had to explain Kabbalah as an elevator pitch, how would you do it?

Abe Hardoon : It’s an ancient wisdom that’s been around in written form for at least 4,000 years and it’s a core wisdom of many if not most other spiritual teachings including Eastern teachings like Buddhism. It explains how all the energetic forces in the universe operate, which includes humans and our psyche, life, death, the nature of the universe and beyond. There is not a question you can ask about anything that cannot be answered in the knowledge of Kabbalah. Even though it is most often associated with Jews, in fact the Israelites were merely given the responsibility a couple of thousand years ago to watch over, take care of and disseminate the wisdom of Kabbalah to the masses.

LL : Is it possible for people to cherry-pick the wisdom of Kabbalah — say, the parts that concern human relationships — without becoming totally immersed in it?

AH : Yes. Since Kabbalah explains human consciousness, it also explains the sub-headings of male consciousness and female consciousness. Everyone knows books like Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus but Kabbalah helps explain where those differences originated. Are there innate energetic differences between men and women? Yes, unequivocally. Men are not women and women are not men. One of the key reasons relationships fail is that men treat women as if they were men and vice versa. Each has to understand how to deal with the energy of the other.

LL : Is there anything that Kabbalah teaches about relationships that people would find surprising?

AH : Kabbalah would describe a soul as not male or female but both male and female, containing both aspects. And Kabbalah text teaches that when a soul comes to this world, it’s divided. It’s not limited by time or space… therefore there really is a concept of [the existence of] soul mates, even though there is probably too much emphasis on this idea. But it certainly does exist.

The difference in how the male and the female operate energetically is — and it’s going to sound bad but bear with me — men are channelers and their energy is like a pipe. Anatomically, men are shaped like a pipe. That’s their structure. Females, on the other hand, are manifestors, the ones who can reflect back. They are vessels. And same thing: anatomically, women are shaped like vessels. So the concept of yin and yang is male and female energy. So what does all this mean? It means the woman must be the energy manager in a relationship. 

LL : So how exactly do women manage that energy?

AH : A wise woman will allow the male to feel that he is the creator in the relationship because men need to feel that they are creating. Men are hunters. It’s like the old analogy of a man and a woman driving in a car and being lost. She suggests stopping to ask for directions but he refuses. Why? Because he needs to feel that he did it on his own. That’s the nature of his energy.

LL : Celebrity endorsement of Kabbalah has brought a lot of attention to the teachings. From a credibility standpoint, is that a double-edge sword?

AH : People come to us from all walks of life — the entertainment industry, the political and business worlds. And many of the great minds of history — Plato, Nostradamus, Socrates — were versed in the Kabbalah. Celebrities who come to the center or any of the Kabbalah Centers around the world are students and are treated as such. Whatever… we teach not to judge and we don’t judge anyone else.

LL : What other takeaway information can Kabbalah offer people immersed in the world of dating and seeking a partner or soul mate… or a good Friday night?

AH : Sometimes in relationships, especially today, you hear people say, ‘I’m looking for a girlfriend or boyfriend that I hope will turn out to be a wife or husband.’ There are two possible kinds of relationships: long-term relationships and short-term, recreational relationships. In the latter, there aren’t a lot of rules. Anything goes and you have no right to expectations because what you’re looking for is a good time. But there is bound to be some chaos because you cannot have expectations without rules.

By contrast, what is a long-term relationship, a committed relationship? Basically, it’s a marriage. It’s not enough to say, ‘I’m in a long-term, committed relationship’ because the next question is going to be, ‘Are you married?’ And you say ‘no.’ So what determines the commitment? Saying that suggests that there is some wiggle room there.

But if someone who finds you attractive approaches you at a party and is told ‘I’m married,’ that’s it. Hard stop and they move on to the next person. Energetically, marriage is more than just a piece of paper. So the lesson is: if you are looking for a husband or a wife, you have to go looking for a husband or a wife, not for a boyfriend or a girlfriend.

LL : How long should people wait after a break-up before getting into a new relationship?

AH : There are varying opinions on this. It depends a lot on the level or depth of the past relationship. The reason for this is that, when we experience any feeling of lack, our tendency, our nature, is to try and fill it ASAP. It’s sort of like when you’re starving and you don’t have the patience to wait to get home to dinner. So you stop and snack on the way home. The problem is we ruin our appetite.

Spiritually, it works the same way. If we want to draw into our lives the things and people who are more right for us, we must not come from a place of lack or neediness. This is sure to result in a vicious cycle of going from one relationship to another. That’s why they call it rebound. One needs to know and learn to make the distinction between what’s good long-term, and what’s good for the moment. Rarely are they ever the same.

LL : At the risk of being overly simplistic, much of Kabbalah’s teachings sound like plain old common sense, something my grandmother might have advocated.

AH : Well, it may look that way (chuckles) but you know what they say: Common sense isn’t all that common. And even though there are many universal truths right in front of our faces that we know are true, we don’t necessarily know how to put them into a formula for life. That’s something that Kabbalah does very well.

For more info, visit The Kabbalah Center International or call 1 800 KABBALAH (1 800-522-2252). In Toronto 1 416-631-9395.

Article courtesy of Click by Lavalife.

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