Here Baby Boomer guru Colette Baron Reid on when betrayal is a symptom, not a cause

 

Dear Colette,

My husband and I have been married for 17 years.  He’s a successful businessman, a workaholic and obsessed with making money.  I am afraid to see these words in print, but I have to admit, I don’t love him anymore.  We have very little in common and we haven’t had sex in two years.  Well, he and I haven’t had sex with each other but I had a brief affair that was never revealed, but it was nothing.  It didn’t matter and I was just me looking to feel wanted. 

Lately he’s been staying out later and claiming to be at the office.  I didn’t believe him so I hacked into his email account. I found sexy notes to a generic gmail account.  I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the initials for that gmail are the same as his pretty secretary.  What a lousy excuse for a man!  I spend hours thinking of ways to get back at him, to cause him (and her) the same emotional pain I’m feeling.  I’m really hurt by his betrayal and I’m miserable every day.  I can’t imagine leaving the lifestyle we have and I don’t want to give up the money.  How can I move past this hurt and stay in the marriage? – Desperate to Hang On

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