Looking for intuitive guidance about love, finding a new purpose, managing stress or connecting with your own sense of spirituality — or maybe you just want to be a tad naughty and chat about sex? Zoomer guru Colette Baron-Reid invites you bring your deepest heartfelt questions to Ask Colette.
Here, Colette talks to readers about resolution regret and overcoming self-doubt.
At the end of each year, I get excited about the New Year. It’s a time to wipe the slate clean and start again. That feeling lasts only a little while because as soon as I look back on my previous resolutions, I feel discouraged that once again I disappointed myself. I did not stick with them. I didn’t change my eating habits, I didn’t lose the weight, I didn’t get more sleep, I didn’t pay off my credit cards and I didn’t quit smoking. How can I make a final change in my habits and not fail again? —Resolution Regret
Dear Resolution Regret,
First of all, how about a great big, compassionate hug – first from me to you and then from YOU to you!Just because you struggle with making large changes does not make you a failure. Loosen up your fixation on your problems and, rather than focus on large, measurable goals, make smaller, more life-affirming resolutions.
In my new book, Weight Loss for People Who Feel Too Much, I talk about when beginning any new program for change it’s easy to be excited and determined and then once you realize it’s difficult you find distractions. If you are a person who can easily get caught up in the emotions of people and events around you it’s almost inevitable that you can get detoured away from your goals and towards unhealthy behaviors such as empathy eating, lack of sleep and even shopping as a substitute for feeling happy.
Rather than have stringent New Year’s resolutions such as lose 25 pounds and stop smoking, focus on shifts in your mindset and begin with small habits. Here are a few to get you started.
- Reconnect with your thought processes. Become aware of negative self-talk whenever it occurs and immediately replace it with positive self-talk that supports happiness and confidence.
- Eat slowly and mindfully. Every meal has to have a beginning, middle, and end. No eating standing up or kidding yourself about calories consumed while you’re on the run and avoiding your emotions!
- Every morning, write in a journal what you intend to accomplish. Each evening, write in your journal about how well you did and why, and identify at least one thing you did right.
- Be kind to yourself. Battling your weight or your body is counterproductive. Be loving and self-compassionate and you’ll see better results.
- Keep it simple. Follow a simple eating plan, do simple movement, and maintain a simple emotional field.
- Avoid stimulating your emotions by consuming media.
- Establish a new habit of experiencing joy. Do what makes you happy and make feeling joyful a top priority. Redecorate and rearrange your space, getting rid of anything in it that doesn’t support your joy.
- Establish a new habit of connecting with Spirit. Use meditation and time spent in nature and prayer.
- Perfectionism and stressing out about time are common detours because people who feel too much hate feeling out of control and are scared of criticism.
- Don’t “bond over bitching.” Don’t share garbage with others by venting. Share solutions and emotional support.
- Don’t fill your cart with drama. You have the choice about what you want to bring into your life. You don’t have to choose to bring in drama that stimulates you and churns up your emotions, distracts you, and drives you to detour away from healthy eating.
- Keep it light. Learn to laugh at the everyday things that would otherwise frustrate you.
- Get yourself moving in ways you find enjoyable. You may do better with low-stimulation exercises, such as walking, yoga, swimming, and yoga, rather than high-stimulation exercises such as taking aerobic exercise classes. Assert yourself in creating opportunities for movement that make you feel comfortable. Change instructors or classes if you have to.
Wishing you the best New Year of your life – one small shift at a time!
Love and blessings,
NEXT: How to silence self-doubt
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