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Zoomer speaks to Canada’s top relationship and sex expert Josey Vogels about rekindling the flame in bed (it’s simpler than you think!) and introducing new toys minus the whips and chains.

Tianna Robinson: How do we rekindle the flame?

Josey Vogels: It’s like when you ignore your diet and exercise for years, and you wake up one day and think, “I am really out of shape.” Then you want to be in shape like now. Your love life can be the same. If you don’t stay on top of the little things, they catch up with you and suddenly you don’t know where to begin.

Start with the little things and rediscover each other. Remind each other of why you like each other in the first place and being romantic in small ways. I think our sexuality stays alive when we feel good about ourselves and we feel like our partner is looking at us in an appreciative way. That makes us open our hearts to them.

If you find yourself being kinder to each other or more open, it will make it easier to be more sexual and more intimate.

TR: What other suggestions do you have?

JV: Take care of yourself, but take care of your relationship – tend to it, you know? You can’t just ignore it and then expect it to be there sexually. If you find yourselves wanting to open up some new channels, I suggest couples going to a sex shop. Most urban centres now have really classy shops with informed staff. You can just browse together. Even if you don’t buy anything, it creates an environment for conversation.

Going online is something you can do in the privacy of your own home. I am not saying you should go online and download porn, but there are lots of sites that are couples-oriented. We need to find ways to shake up the conversation and open up new avenues.

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