Violence in the family

Zoomer | January 26th, 2007

It’s a difficult scenario: your married child calls tearfully in the middle of the night to tell you that she has left her spouse because he shoved her – but calls a few weeks later to say it’s all patched up. Or you arrive to visit your elderly uncle and as you come up the steps you think you hear screaming and something being thrown by his daughter and caregiver.

It’s hard to get a handle on how widespread family violence is. People are reluctant to report it, and in the case of children or frail or incapacitated elders, may not even have the chance to do so. Cultural or language barriers also can be an issue.

Even so, the federal government has been gathering information since the 1980s on family violence in Canada. One survey cited on the Department of Justice website – of 26,000 Canadians – indicated that 7 per cent of people who were married or in a common-law relationship had experienced some form of violence in the 5 years before the survey. A 1993 survey indicated that 25 per cent of women in Canada have experienced violence or sexual abuse at the hands of a partner and one half of Canadian women have experienced violence in some form since the age of 16.

And age does not cure the problem. The rate of occurrence of older adult abuse (although not always within the family as some abuse takes place in institutions) is between 2 per cent and 10 per cent, according to a 2004 study published in The Lancet. A telephone survey conducted in Canada in 1990 indicated that 4 per cent of older adults living in private homes reported some form of abuse or neglect.

With numbers like these, it is clear we are all affected, or know someone who is, by family violence.

What are the causes?
Many people, regardless of gender, age, education, economic status, or a myriad other characteristics may be victims of violence or become violent. Experts know that there is frequently a power imbalance of some kind at work, where one individual feels that he or she has a right to try to control another through violence. But as to specific causes, there are probably as many direct causes of family violence as there are violent individuals. Alcoholism, economic stress, poverty, sexism, isolation, and racism can all play a role.

What are the consequences?
As some headlines in the news indicate, family violence can result in death. But even when the violence does not become so extreme that it makes headlines, it has a devastating impact. Some of the psychological results include:

• Withdrawal and isolation
• Post-traumatic stress disorder
• Substance abuse issues
• Chronic fatigue and disturbed sleep patterns
• Eating disorders
• Emotional numbing and helplessness
• Depression; suicidal thoughts and actions

Children who are exposed to violence in the home may become violent, or suffer lifelong difficult with self-esteem and relationships.

What can we do?
Here are some approaches to take if you know an adult who you suspect is a victim of family violence:

• Listen. What victims of violence most often need is someone who will believe them.

• Do not confront the perpetrator on your own – this could put yourself or the victim at increased risk.

• Don’t be afraid to let him or her know that you are concerned about his or her safety. Describe what you see in non-judgmental but clear language, and state your beliefs. (“It looks like a very bad bruise. I don’t believe that there is any reason a spouse should hit their partner.”)

• Acknowledge that he or she is in a very difficult situation. Let your friend or family member know that the abuse is not their fault.

• Let the individual know that there is help out there and that there are resources available. Help him or her develop a safety plan.

• Respect the individual’s decisions. It is possible – even likely – he or she will leave and return to the relationship many times. He or she will need your support even more during those times.

• Encourage him or her to participate in activities outside of the relationship with friends and family.

• Remember that you’re not a superhero. You cannot rescue him or her, only support the individual in his or her struggle.

In elder abuse situations, it can be even more difficult – sometimes impossible – for the older adult to take action on his or her own. The Ontario Seniors’ Secretariat has very similar recommendations to those above at their website. But in cases where a senior is truly dependent, you may wish to take additional steps by contacting one of their family members, your local authorities, or community care centre.

If you suspect a child is being abused, The National Clearinghouse on Family Violence has this recommendation: “If you have reasonable grounds to suspect that a child is being abused or neglected, promptly report your concerns to the child welfare agency, provincial or territorial social services department or police force in your community. If necessary, a report can be made anonymously.”

For help:
Abuse is wrong in any language:
http://www.justice.gc.ca/en/ps/fm/pub/abuse_is_wrong/abuse.html

The National Clearinghouse on Family Violence website is a great place to start, with lists of local resources:
http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/ncfv-cnivf/familyviolence/refer_e.html

For more information check out their resources section:
http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/ncfv-cnivf/familyviolence/resources_e.html