ASK COLETTE: Overcoming Resolution Regret and Self-doubt
Looking for intuitive guidance about love, finding a new purpose, managing stress or connecting with your own sense of spirituality — or maybe you just want to be a tad naughty and chat about sex? Zoomer guru Colette Baron-Reid invites you bring your deepest heartfelt questions to Ask Colette.
Here, Colette talks to readers about resolution regret and overcoming self-doubt.
At the end of each year, I get excited about the New Year. It’s a time to wipe the slate clean and start again. That feeling lasts only a little while because as soon as I look back on my previous resolutions, I feel discouraged that once again I disappointed myself. I did not stick with them. I didn’t change my eating habits, I didn’t lose the weight, I didn’t get more sleep, I didn’t pay off my credit cards and I didn’t quit smoking. How can I make a final change in my habits and not fail again? —Resolution Regret
Dear Resolution Regret,
First of all, how about a great big, compassionate hug – first from me to you and then from YOU to you!Just because you struggle with making large changes does not make you a failure. Loosen up your fixation on your problems and, rather than focus on large, measurable goals, make smaller, more life-affirming resolutions.
In my new book, Weight Loss for People Who Feel Too Much, I talk about when beginning any new program for change it’s easy to be excited and determined and then once you realize it’s difficult you find distractions. If you are a person who can easily get caught up in the emotions of people and events around you it’s almost inevitable that you can get detoured away from your goals and towards unhealthy behaviors such as empathy eating, lack of sleep and even shopping as a substitute for feeling happy.
Here, Colette advises a reader on embracing the positive.
One of the things I want to work on this year is my self-doubt. I want to become stronger in my self-belief so that I can finally create my life and my business to its fullest potential. I have been reading a lot about affirmations but I am not sure I can really wrap my head around it. When I create these positive statements I have a hard time believing them and accepting them as part of my life. Do you have any advice for a practical, logical, critical-thinking type who truly wants to embrace positive self-talk? – Struggling to Believe
Dear Struggling to Believe,
You are not alone in your challenges with embracing the concept of affirmations. Many of us grew up believing hard work and determination was all we needed to succeed. What we have come to learn is our thoughts determine our actions and our actions determine our habits. If you want to change your habits, you have to start with your thoughts.
Picture me smiling while I say this to you – you don’t have to be a card-carrying Woo-woo to embrace and benefit from affirmations. To satisfy your logical, critical-thinking mind I’d like to share this interesting fact. The U.S. Navy SEALS have discovered the effectiveness of actively replacing negative self-talk with positive affirmations. When we change our internal chatter to have a positive quality, our primitive, limbic brain, which is responsible for setting off a fear response of fight-or-flight, begins to calm down. The power of positive thinking is even stronger if we’re also using a visualization or doing something physical to quiet our system. In moments of stress, there’s actually more blood flow to this panic center, and less blood flow to your prefrontal cortex where you can think clearly, make good decisions, and check your impulses. So when you find yourself feeling fear and doubt about steps you need to take in your business and your personal life, affirmations will help you get past the obstacles your negative talk tends to make impassable.