ReBoot Your Sex Life!
Zoomer speaks to Canada’s top relationship and sex expert Josey Vogels about rekindling the flame in bed (it’s simpler than you think!) and introducing new toys minus the whips and chains.
Tianna Robinson: How do we rekindle the flame?
Josey Vogels: It’s like when you ignore your diet and exercise for years, and you wake up one day and think, “I am really out of shape.” Then you want to be in shape like now. Your love life can be the same. If you don’t stay on top of the little things, they catch up with you and suddenly you don’t know where to begin.
Start with the little things and rediscover each other. Remind each other of why you like each other in the first place and being romantic in small ways. I think our sexuality stays alive when we feel good about ourselves and we feel like our partner is looking at us in an appreciative way. That makes us open our hearts to them.
If you find yourself being kinder to each other or more open, it will make it easier to be more sexual and more intimate.
TR: What other suggestions do you have?
JV: Take care of yourself, but take care of your relationship – tend to it, you know? You can’t just ignore it and then expect it to be there sexually. If you find yourselves wanting to open up some new channels, I suggest couples going to a sex shop. Most urban centres now have really classy shops with informed staff. You can just browse together. Even if you don’t buy anything, it creates an environment for conversation.
Going online is something you can do in the privacy of your own home. I am not saying you should go online and download porn, but there are lots of sites that are couples-oriented. We need to find ways to shake up the conversation and open up new avenues.
TR: Explain myths surrounding the 45-plus demographic and sex?
JV: Boomers grew up during the sexual revolution and have a more open attitude but perhaps life got in the way. They focused on the kids, and then the kids are gone. Or maybe you’re settling into retirement or have more time with each other – which can be terrifying if you haven’t stayed in touch with each other. But it can also be a new opportunity to focus on putting energy into your relationship. As we get older, we’re more confident and aren’t constantly comparing ourselves to others. You aren’t trying to live up to something like when you were young and you can own your own sexuality.
TR: How do you suggest people initiate the vibrator conversation?
JV: It’s important not to spring things on your partner. In the heat of the moment is not the best time. Find opportunities to talk about it. Maybe there was something on television or in a magazine. Just say, “Hey, I am kind of intrigued by this. What do you think?” Test the waters by saying things like, “Is this something you’re curious about? Is it off limits for you?” If it is, ask what it is that makes them uncomfortable. Some people are intimidated or they feel it is a judgment on them that they aren’t a capable enough lover or they are being replaced. Make sure you press upon the fact that it is something you want to explore as a couple because you want to be closer and find different ways to make your sex life exciting. The We-Vibe 4’s design is focused on the idea that it is something that you use together during intercourse, to bring you together as a couple.
TR: What do people say about the We-Vibe 4?
JV: It gives them a way to talk about their sex lives and introduce something new and exciting. The design doesn’t seem sleazy. It’s safe for your body, it’s waterproof and discreet and it’s a nice design. It doesn’t look like you need to dress up in full dominatrix outfit with whips and chains in the bedroom. It’s a simple thing.
TR: Any advice you would like to add for our Zoomers?
JV: Your sex life doesn’t die at age 25. In fact the experience and maturity and self-confidence are all the factors that contribute to a great sex life. It gets better as you get older.