Allow me to translate with the help of TikTok, which helpfully collated the trend using the hashtag #softlife (and/or #softgirllife) with an AI-generated synopsis. The elements of the concept include: the ubiquitous phenomenon of self-care; a cosy home; a simplified schedule; gratitude; slow living and nurturing relationships. Well I have news for the next generation: Many of us in the 50-plus zone figured that stuff out, and we have already tuned in, turned on and dropped the heck outta dodge.

The poster gal for this ditch-the-rat-race movement is the ageless Ali McGraw, who just turned 85 at the beginning of April. She looks absolutely stunning: streaming white hair, great skin with fearless wrinkles, and rocking an endless supply of tunics and caftans with Southwest hits of silver and turquoise accessories. McGraw left Hollywood in the early 1990s when her house in Malibu burned down. She settled in Tesuque, N.M., just outside of Santa Fe, and dedicates her time to fundraising for animal rights shelters, rescues and education. Desert life, peace and tranquility, and caring for four-legged friends looks great on her. Here’s what she told a local magazine about her adopted home: “I love the air, the immense amount of nature… I love to open the door to my house and feel peace.” She continues on the subject of seeing untouched landscapes: “When I see those beautiful vistas, I experience gratitude and hope.” Except for a brief tour in 2015 with the play Love Letters with Ryan O’Neal, her co-star from the 1970s megahit Love Story, McGraw has stayed put.

Following the thread of another animal-rights activist, we have Pamela Anderson, 56. Anderson moved back to her tiny hometown of Ladysmith, B.C., in 2019, and has had a renaissance of late, starring at the 2023 Paris fashion week in couture paired with her daring nude face (as in, makeup free), as well as releasing a memoir and the Netflix doc Pamela. But her main residence, and her heart, is in the home she has built on six acres on Vancouver Island. Returning to the scene of a difficult childhood was a challenge at the time, Anderson told CTV news. “I came home to face some things. There’s certain things in your life that you kind of push aside and it was just so healing for me to come home and it took me a while to kind of grasp what I was going through.”

The PETA campaigner persevered. Herein lies her lesson. “I felt this place was like a broken heart that I kind of had to turn around.” Of the process of inviting cameras in to film the reno process – something those millennial/gen Zers will identify with, as an unobserved life is like a tree falling in a forest – she says she learned not to sweat the small stuff and that she wouldn’t be “melting down over which doorknob to put on your door.” See, the advice is rolling in here: a soft-life cosy home is a home built without stress!

Isabella Rosselini is perhaps the best example of all. Her life isn’t soft, but it is idyllic: The now 71-year-old actress went back to school in her 50s to study animal behaviour. Then, along with her daughter, she founded Mama Farm in upstate New York 10 years ago. The working farm is also a B&B, and Rossellini splits her time tending sheep and her duties as the face of Lancome. An advocate of aging naturally, Rossellini looks fulfilled with her later-in-life career change. Her Instagram presence is a joy and a lesson in being comfortable in your skin as you age. She is also an inspiration for lifelong learning.

As a mid-50s woman (who is decidedly not famous), I walked away from the centre of the Canadian fashion world in which I was embedded to move to the country (nota bene: today is actually the day that farmers spread manure on their fields, so my pastoral dream is a bit smelly at the moment). I can vouch for these older ladies’ views on the virtues of the #softlife. Damn, no one hereabouts cares about the fact I’ve worn the same plaid shacket (Peavey Mart hardware store, if you must know) for 10 days straight. I missed my highlights appointment at the hairdresser last month, and I mildly consider every day whether I should bother dabbing drugstore dye on as my roots grow in. 

But beyond a location shift – not for everyone – Carolyn, you asked how to pivot. We can all use some expert help. My favourite life coach (who has worked as a psychologist, a magazine editor and in the public arts sector, so he knows about pivoting) is named John MacKay. He spoke to Zoomer as part of a package on how life coaches can help redirect your energies at midlife and beyond. “We outgrow ourselves,” he told us, “a natural progression of age. Who we are and what we want gets shrouded over time. The raw edges and raw sensations of youth are dulled.” Enter a life coach to help uncover the wisdom hiding inside us all. We need purpose, he said, which we can find in the stories of the above celebrities (Rossellini is my personal inspo: We have the chickens; goats are next on my list. Inner work such as yoga, prayer, nature, meditation, the spiritual is where you find compassion and wisdom, says MacKay. “The antidote to fear is movement, and that is why coaching, with its emphasis on forward action, is great.”

But the main thing, Carolyn, is that the soft life was something we actually invented. Getting off the merry-go-round and finding your inner peace is not a millennial idea. They just make up more hashtags than us!

Always asking questions,

—Leanne Delap